Letter of Introduction (posted January 20)
Dear Bob,
My name is Ashley Jones, and as you know I am a junior at Roosevelt High School here in Des Moines and am enrolled in Mr.Johnson and Miss Lang's AP lang class. I try to stay very active with Roosevelt cheerleading and also am on a dance competition team for Express Yourself Dance Studio on the south side. I participate in basketball and football cheerleading along with the RHS competitive cheer squad. I guess you may be able to tell that I am very competitive. I also have a job at the Merle Hay Younkers part time. My dad manages Subsect Skateboarding shop so it is something I have grown up around since I was born. This has made skateboarding a big part of my life, although physically I cannot do it. My mom works at the Young Women's Resource Center downtown where I have gotten involved with a group of girls called R3 where we discuss teen pregnancy and STD prevention.
In my writing experience I have had a very hard time staying organizing, and sometimes I have a tendency to miss the prompt, However I have been aware of this and am trying to fix it, but I hope that you will be able to help me and tell me when I start to jump around or get off topic. Some things I would like to work on as well would be my lose and periodic sentences to ensure that my essays are strong and hit their proper points. Although I have been expanding my vocabulary I am also still working on that and would like help in order to make sentences flow easier and have stronger diction.
I genuinely hope that we will both be able to get good active feed back from this experience. I look forward to having your help and guidance.
-Ashley Jones
Dear Ashley,
It’s very nice to meet you! I enjoyed reading your introductory letter and learning a little bit about you.
To tell you a few things about myself: I am a Roosevelt High School alumni, (I graduated a LONG time ago,) and I have an undergrad degree from the University of Iowa. I am now nearing completion of my Master’s degree in teaching at Drake. When I graduate, I plan to teach English and English as a Second Language, at either the high school or middle school level. This course on teaching writing is one of my final requisites. I live in here Des Moines, quite near Roosevelt, with my wife and two kids. (My daughter is a preschooler and my son is a third grader at Hanawalt Elementary.) In addition to being a grad student, I help teach a class for struggling readers at East High two days a week.
I am really looking forward to this opportunity to work with YOU! More than anything else, what I hope to gain from this experience is a better understanding of the issues you face as a student writer. All of the things you mentioned about writing are indeed important, and they could be good starting place for our work together. Knowing the things you struggle with will make it easier for me to help you. I’m sure I can help you improve as a writer, and I’m confident you can help me improve as a teacher. So, there will be a lot in this for both of us!
My best,
Bob Tyler
p.s. – I am quite familiar with Subsect Skate, as my son likes to shop there, and it is located right next to Ichi Bike, which is owned by a good friend of mine. Talk soon! Personal Reflecon Topic of Inqto uiry(posted RHS January 27 -- 171 January 29)
Ashley Jones
AP Lang
Mr. Johnson
27 January 2012 Topic of Inquiry: Feminist Hi Ashley, Since one of the very first things you mentioned in your introductory letter is that you sometimes miss the writing prompt and get off topic, I thought perhaps a good place to begin would be by re-visiting the assignment directions. So, here it is: “What are the events in life that have defined you? Describe a time in your life when your personal philosophy was challenged and your life or thinking required a change of direction. What were the forces that influenced you? What understanding of your world was changed for better or for worse? As you are selecting your topic, there should be a feeling of unfinished thought that you would like to explore further, developing your understanding of self. Write a narrative that ends with a question about your chosen topic of inquiry.” When I read this, I get a sense of three things (at least). One, this essay is going to need to be something deeply personal that is going to shed some light on YOU as an individual, from an intellectual or philosophical standpoint. And two, there needs to be a discussion of some things or events that happened to you personally, that caused you to question your belief. And thirdly, it needs to end with a question about this topic – something for you and the readers to jointly ponder. This is what I am getting from it anyway! If your feelings are otherwise, we should talk about it! So, with that in mind, let’s take a look at this…
Topic of Inquiry: Feminist A title is your chance to grab people’s attention and start telling your story. What could do that would make this title more personal and more compelling?
We live in a world where gender makes a difference, but it doesn’t make it okay. What is “it”? What doesn’t make it OK? Women seem to be underestimated in society, and surrounding me every day are women who struggle from this. The definition of a feminist is a person who advocates equal rights for all genders. Definition? According to who? Webster’s? Gloria Steinem? Many women in America’s history have fought for the rights we are given today, and it is degrading to watch girls run around completely ruining what we have had to work so hard for. There’s something rather compelling and intriguing about the first person plural (we) and the use of the present perfect tense (have had). I get the sense that you personally have been fighting for women’s rights and I want to know more. Your last sentence is a powerful introduction – but how could you expand or clarify it? What exactly is degrading? What are these girls running around doing?
I have had harsh personal experiences from being a female. I have been under estimated of my intelligence by peers and teachers because of my gender all through middle school and high school. Can you expand here and give some specific examples? There are people who have found out I am in advanced class’s and have said to me, “no way, you are not smart” Is this quote really worth quoting? Could you just paraphrase? while they haven’t even had the opportunity to explore my intelligence. I have had teachers treat me as though I am dumb, and cannot comprehend what they are teaching me because I am a female, but only until they see my work. This sentence could be read as meaning that teachers cannot comprehend what they are teaching. Was this your intent? My father has treated me differently than he treats my brother’s, simply because I am a girl. “Differently”? Are you really talking about “different”, or do you mean unequal? (There’s a difference…;) My mother, who is a brilliant woman, gave up college grants and scholarships to take care of me when she graduated high school. However she went back once I was older and was degraded by a college professor. He thought that because she was the only girl in his mathematics class that she was dumb, yet he did not know that she would be the one setting all the curves on his test. You say “he thought”. How do you know what he thought? Did he tell you this?Women should not be judged on their appearance and sex, we have millions of thoughts and ideas to offer with our minds.I get where you are headed here… I think….maybe expand this thought?
Every day I walk through the halls of my school and I see girls wearing completely inappropriate clothes revealing body parts that should only be seen at a swimming pool. I hear stories of girls weekly who have given their bodies to men without thought and let themselves be used. I turn on the television when I get home and women are on the T.V. demeaning themselves, and worsening the stereotype us women are given. That we are unwise. We are irresponsible. We can be used for our bodies. Girl’s today watch this, and instead of being ashamed, they follow. They dress up in explicit clothes, act as though they have no intelligence, and mainly give their bodies up to be used in a disgraceful way. I’ve underlined and bolded some powerful words. Keep in mind these are subjective terms (i.e., your opinion, not fact). How could you SHOW (rather than tell) the reader these things? The pressures publicity puts on women is ridiculous. Girl’s feel as though they have to look a certain way which is making rates in eating disorders go up. The rates of plastic surgery are going up. What is your source? It’s not so much that I doubt you… but again, it gets back to that issue of showing rather than telling…Girl’s where a ton of make up, risk getting skin cancer to tan all to fit this image of what a woman should look like that is impossible.
As women living together in a country, we should be fighting the stereotype we are given. We are born women, it is not an option for us. We should not be expected to look or act a certain way to please the male’s view of us. Don’t forget, you need a parting question here. Here are some ideas to help you find that question: What about feminism/feminists do you have ambivalent (mixed) feelings about? Is there any part of feminist thought/politics/philosophy that does NOT ring true to you? Anything you are wondering about? For example, I am against the death penalty, but I do wonder if it really fair that tax payers should have to bear the cost of housing a serial killer for the rest of their life…
Final thoughts: Ashley, you are off to a solid start here. This is a huge issue, and one most everyone has an opinion on – and in that sense your paper is immediately engaging. To fulfill the requirements of the assignment, and think we need to see more of YOU in it. How was your philosophy challenged? Was there an event that really changed your life (with regards to feminism)? Maybe you could incorporate some of your work at the YWRC here? Bob
Rough Draft Definition (posted RHS February 3 -- 171 February 5)
Ashley Jones
AP Lang
Mr. Johnson Ms. Lang
3 February 2012 Why is Feminism Being Ruined?
As a child I grew up with three major women in my life; my mother, my Grandma Laura and my Grandma Bonnie, all fantastic women who have molded me to be the feminist I am. From these women I learned the truth behind feminism, that it is not necessarily about ‘girl power’ but how men and women are equal. Nice introductory sentence – I like the personal feel. As long as you are including names, might you include your mom’s name as well? Since my parents had split, it was always my mom and I and she made sure to take care of my every need, working hard for all my wants and necessities. When I would go to see my dad-who lived with my Grandma Bonnie- his mother took care of me making all my meals, giving me my baths and putting me to sleep at night. When my mother was busy at work I went to her moms, my Grandma Laura who did the same. The difference between these three women is simple; my mom did it all by herself, my Grandma Bonnie did it while taking care of my alcoholic grandpa, and my Grandma Laura had the help of her husband my Pampa. Is the difference between these three women what you really want to emphasize here ? These women influenced me greatly, and at a young age I quickly learned what it means to be a feminist; [colon?] regardless of a women’s situation she can do anything on her own, she can take care of her husband and children alone or she can be lucky enough to accept the help of a man. This is your definition of a feminist, right? So, are you saying that a feminist can do anything on her own, but is lucky if she accepts help from a man?
Dictionary.com says a feminist is someone advocating social, political, legal and economic rights for women equal to those of men. Why did you choose dictionary.com as your source? Although I believe this to be true, to be a feminist means much more to me than this. Being a feminist is a lifestyle, how could you build on this statement? and I am blessed for the women in America’s history who have fought for the rights I am given today such as voting and no discrimination against sex in hiring. For instance, Gloria Steinem who is a co-founder in Ms. Magazine has advocated for women’s rights almost for [forty?] years and is still working at it. She worked on legalizing abortion and is still working on same sex marriage. A woman that worked along her side was Louise Noun who founded organizations such as the Young Women’s Resource Centers and the Chrysalis Foundation. The Chrysalis Foundation helped women greatly and gave help to people in domestic abuse along with giving funding to day cares and financial aid to women in community colleges. The foundation sponsored “Women’s Voices” which was a conference where a bunch of girls got together and discussed women’s rights socially and politically. Nice concrete examples of feminists and the work they have done. Do you want to include your work at the YWRC here as well? For about 40 years women fought for women’s suffrage and the right to vote in the 19th amendment, it did not even pass until 1920. It took women 40 entire years to earn the right to vote. Black men who were slaves had the right to vote before women.This really says a lot about how male dominated our society was/is. That is how hard women had to work in order to be recognized as even somewhat equal in society. Could you expand on this thought?
If it were only 50 years ago girls my age would most likely be leaving school or graduating only to get married and have children shortly after. Then they would have a long life of taking care of children, cleaning the house and catering to their families every personal need and desires. That was a women’s job. Is going back only 50 years far enough for a sweeping generalization like this? (1962=the civil rights era) It wasn’t even until World War I that women went into the work force, and it was only because a majority of the men were off at war. All these suffering and hard working women made it possible for girls just to be treated equally. How? What happened? Might your discussion of the 19th amendment fit better here – given the timeline and the direct correlation with WWI… That is magnificent. Which is what raises this big question about feminism in my generation. Why is my generation of women completely destroying everything that women in America’s history have worked so hard for? Why are girls letting men use them? Why are girls throwing away their pride and self dignity?Could this be reworded as one concise question? Also, are you sure you want to blame the whole of your generation rather than specific offenders of all generations?
Hi Ashley, You are doing some nice work here! Does your title of “Why is Feminism Being Ruined?” really fit this essay though? The term you are defining is “Feminist”… Do you think you could find a title that better fits the things you wrote about – the issue of feminism being ruined is barely touched on (and just at the end) – at least that is the way I read it. Here’s how I read it:
Being a feminist is something you learned (by example) from the prominent women in your life.
A feminist strives for equality between the sexes, and is capable of doing everything on her own, though help from a man can be a good thing too.
Feminist action can be seen in the work of Gloria Steinem, and others, and is very much alive today.
Inequality between the sexes has a long history in the United States and is even more pervasive and lasting than racism.
Things started to final change for women after WWI.
Girls of your generation are not displaying a feminist spirit.
Is this all what you meant to say – and are these all necessary components of your definition of a feminist? (Thoughts to ponder for your revision!) Also – please feel free to respond to this post prior to your next submission! I’m thinking this might work best if it is more of an ongoing conversation….
Revision Definition (posted RHS February 10 -- 171 February 12 )
Ashley Jones
AP Lang
Mr. Johnson Ms. Lang
3 February 2012 Bra-Burners and Lesbians This is quite an attention-getting title! What was your motivation for the big change from the last title?
As a child I grew up with three major women in my life; my mother Jenny, my Grandma Laura and my Grandma Bonnie, all fantastic women who have molded me to be the feminist I am. From these women I learned the truth behind feminism, that it is not necessarily about ‘girl power’ but how men and women are equal. Since my parents had split, it was always my mom and I and she made sure to take care of my every need, working hard for all my wants and necessities. When I would go to see my dad-who lived with my Grandma Bonnie- his mother took care of me making all my meals, giving me my baths and putting me to sleep at night. When my mother was busy at work I went to her moms, my Grandma Laura who did the same. The difference between these three women is simple; my mom did it all by herself, my Grandma Bonnie did it while taking care of my alcoholic grandpa, and my Grandma Laura had the help of her husband my Pampa. These women influenced me greatly, and at a young age I quickly learned what it means to be a feminist; regardless of a women’s situation they have the power to make everything work out, even without the help of significant other, but it is okay to accept help. What does “work out” mean to you? How is it influenced by men’s “help”?
Anna Terri (who is she?) at the Young Women’s Resource Center defined feminism is “equal right(s) for women that are given to men”. In technical and logical terms this would be a perfect definition, however in my opinion a true feminist stands up for those rights. Now keep in mind, “feminism” and a “feminist” are not the same thing. How could you counter this definition of feminism without switching to a different word? I am blessed for the women in America’s history who have fought for the rights I am given today such as voting and no discrimination against sex in hiring. For instance, Gloria Steinem who is a co-founder in Ms. Magazine has advocated for women’s rights almost for years and is still working at it. She worked on legalizing abortion and is still working on same sex marriage. A woman that worked along her side was Louise Noun who founded organizations such as the Young Women’s Resource Centers and the Chrysalis Foundation. The Chrysalis Foundation helped women greatly and gave help to people in domestic abuse along with giving funding to day cares and financial aid to women in community colleges. The foundation sponsored “Women’s Voices” which was a conference where a bunch of girls got together and discussed women’s rights socially and politically. Good concrete examples of feminists in action! What if this was a paragraph break? For about 40 years women fought for women’s suffrage and the right to vote in the 19th amendment, it did not even pass until 1920. It took women 40 entire years to earn the right to vote. Black men who were slaves had the right to vote before women. That is how hard women had to work in order to be recognized as even somewhat equal in society. I am in a group that promotes pregnancy and STI prevention at YWRC. There I am able to talk to teenagers and adults that are true feminists about their thoughts on tons of different issues. They are still fighting for all equal rights in society. Thousands of people in this nation have been fighting for the past 120 years and are still going, just to have the same rights that are given to men. Good. Can you expand on this last sentence? How do you feel about this ongoing “fight”?
If it were only 40 years ago girls my age would most likely be leaving school or graduating only to get married and have children shortly after. Then they would have a long life of taking care of children, cleaning the house and catering to their families every personal need and desires. That was a women’s job. It wasn’t even until World War I that women went into the work force, and it was only because a majority of the men were off at war. All these suffering and hard working women made it possible for girls just to be treated equally, but they don’t understand it. Anna said “your generation is scared of the word [Feminist]. They think lesbian or bra-burner.” My generation does not understand what a feminist actually is. They let the media take over their minds make them think they have to look a certain way, and act in a way that as a girl you should be clueless. When Snooki and J Wow go to clubs and bring back men, which are not proper examples of what a girl should aspire to be. Yet everyone follows what they see, even if they know it wrong because they feel like they have too. For Which is what raises this big question about feminism in my generation. Why is my generation of women throwing away their knowledge and self-respect in order to fit some image and a guy’s fantasy, especially the magnificent amount of work our fellow sisters have done for us to be treated equally?
Hi Ashley – Your essay is coming along nicely and you have some well-developed thoughts here. Your final question (which is an idea you have been bringing up in all of your papers) is a bit of a can of worms. There is a school of thought (among certain feminists) that sexy, revealing clothing and even “slutty” behavior is actually empowering for women as it stands in defiance to the double standard afforded to men. Here is a quote from a UCLA’s feminist magazine blog http://www.femmagazine.com/2011/10/28/halloween-costumes/:
“If we want to use the word slut, we have to realize that in the context that we ourselves use it, it has more to do with actions, and nothing to do with clothing. And even then, we use the word “slut” to control a woman’s sexuality. It reflects the double standard that men can sleep with how ever many people they want and not be tainted or lose worth but rather gain praise. And yet when a female is very sexual, she loses value, to the point where we shame her, calling her a “slut.”
How would you response to this? Bob Final Definition (posted RHS February 17 -- 171 February 19 )
Revision Comparison (posted RHS March 2 -- 171 March 4
There have been three main waves of feminism since the 1920’s, and because of them there have been varied types of feminist portrayed such as socialist and liberal feminist. All share the same longing for women and men to obtain equivalent rights. However, two of the most blatantly differing forms of feminist are radical feminist-who are also referred to as neo Nazi feminist- and conservative feminist. I have a clear notion here of what this paper is going to be about - radical and conservative feminists. Good.
Neo Nazi feminist have a high belief in female dominance over male dominance. The term Nazi is fit into the label of this type of feminist because of the similarities of Nazi’s from World War II. Conservative feminist came about within the past 30 years, and it was seemed odd to the public because people did not think to put a feminist and a conservative in the same category. Conservative Feminist want equal rights for all, but they do not appreciate the idea of denying a female's right to bear children, participate in intimacy and have a family. Who's idea is "denying a female's right to bear children"?Both groups of feminist have the same major view point for equality, but acquire different views and opinions on how feminist should be.
A main worry that conservative feminists have is that while they are advocating for rights that are of equal standards to men they will lose respect for having children specifically because bearing a child is something only a women has the ability to do. They don’t want to be frowned upon by others for having the desire, or even acting on their desires of having children and a family. The neo Nazi feminist can be against thisWhat does "this" refer to? mainly because of their ideas of female supremacy. Neo Nazi feminist tend to have a mindset where they feel like men are completely unnecessary. A concentrated heated mood settles across their thoughts saying “I do not need a man, for anything, ever”. This is very differing to a lot of aspects of conservative feminists and society, for there is no other way to produce children and continue the population without a man and woman.So, how do radical feminists address this problem? Conservative feminist on the other hand feel as though in having their equal rights to men, they are allowed the rights to have a family with a man and bear children. This is where feminist can majorly clash heads, because all in all while giving female equal rights, there isn’t a person that can snatch away a women’s right to marry or birth a child. So the "clash" is on whether or not having children/raising a family is a "feminist" concept?
Conservative Feminists and Radical Feminists have a tendency to collide on the ideas of men and women's physical make up versus the genetic differences betweeb the sexes. Recognizing that women are biologically different from men, conservative feminist do not seek to look or act as a man. Neo Nazi feminist however have built up such an outstanding amount of hatredA strong word. Why did you choose it? for the lack of equal rights that they go out of their way to be less feminine and act masculine. They will go without shaving their legs and armpits, and they will dress manly in suits, or even something as simple as boots and baggy jeans. All of this is extremely important to them because they feel as though male supremacy is tyrannizing women and giving men everything they could want or ask for in life. Therefore Radical feminist choose to act as men themselves to express their thoughts that women shouldn’t need to be a certain way because they are a woman. Although the conservatives do not think women should have a stereotype and agree they should be granted equal rights they acknowledge that women and men are different. They are accepting of nature’s natural separations’ of males and females. Conservative feminist feel as though there is no problem in being a women, and they still want to be feminine. Shaving their legs and armpits, wearing dresses and skirts and girly clothing is okay because the conservatives know that they are different from men. They accept their breasts and their vaginas, and instead of trying to act like a man to have equal rights to men, they embrace their feminism and feel as though men should embrace it as well and respect them. From this paragraph, I am getting two main ideas: feminists thought on gender identity and feminists thought on the female body. Are these ideas necessarily inter-related, or could your information be organized other ways?
The main idea of being a feminist is to advocate that women should have the exact same rights as men do because men and women are equals, which is why how ever differing on thoughts and ideas different groups of feminist can be, they are still able to work together for a main cause. Equal rights? Every feminist group has a different view of how they should make a point and take a stance to the public eye, rather it’s burning their bras, refusal to shave, wearing a men’s suit or simply just making every possible attempt to get the word out to the public and help make a change. What specifically could you say about conservative and radical feminists in your conclusion here? Is the one big "take away" point you'd like readers to remember?
Hi Ashley,
What could you add here that would tell readers not only what these two groups of feminists think and do (i.e., "dress in manly suits" or "accept their breasts", etc). but why? You touch on the why with "they feel as though male supremacy is tyrannizing women," but what more might add to add here to really SHOW us what's going on here?
Nice work - I appreciate your comparison because, like your earlier work, it leaves the reader with much to ponder.
Bob
Final Comparison (posted RHS March 9 -- 171 March 11)
There have been three main waves of feminism since the 1920’s, and because of them there have been varied types of feminist portrayed such as socialist and liberal feminist. All share the same longing for women and men to obtain equivalent rights. However, two of the most blatantly differing forms of feminist are radical feminist-who are also referred to as neo Nazi feminist- and conservative feminist. Neo Nazi feminist have a high belief in female dominance over male dominance. The term Nazi is fit into the label of this type of feminist because of the similarities of Nazi’s from World War II. Conservative feminist came about within the past 30 years, and it was seemed odd to the public because people did not think to put a feminist and a conservative in the same category. Conservative Feminist want equal rights for all, but do not appreciate the radical feminist’s idea of denying a female's right to bear children, participate in intimacy and have a family in order to maintain physical equality to men. Both groups of feminist have the same major view point for equality, but acquire different views and opinions on how feminist should be. Good – I feel like I am getting a nice overview of the history of American feminism and clear understanding that the focus of this essay will on two distinct subgroups of feminists: the radicals and the conservatives.
A main worry that conservative feminists have is that while they are advocating for rights that are of equal standards to men they will lose respect for having children specifically because bearing a child is something only a women has the ability to do. Conservatives do not want to be deprived of their rights to have children because it can be said that it is unfair to men since they are unable to birth a child. They don’t want to be frowned upon by others for having the desire, or even acting on their desires of having children and a family. The neo Nazi feminist can be against a women’s yearning for intimacy and a family mainly because of their ideas of female supremacy. Neo Nazi feminist tend to have a mindset where they feel like men are completely unnecessary. A concentrated heated mood settles across their thoughts saying “I do not need a man, for anything, ever”. This is very differing to a lot of aspects of conservative feminists and society, for there is no other way to produce children and continue the population without a man and woman. Radical feminists have a tendency to be stubborn and ignore the logical fact that they as a women are the key to continuing the population. Conservative feminist on the other hand feel as though in having their equal rights to men, they are allowed the rights to have a family with a man and bear children. This is where feminist can majorly clash heads, because all in all while giving female equal rights, there isn’t a person that can snatch away a women’s right to marry or birth a child. The radicals are so concentrated on being better than men and proving that they can be like men that they do not think about things women want when it comes to relationships and having a family like the conservative feminists do. This paragraph digs deeper into the heart of the disagreement between the two groups: child bearing and family rearing. Although you do not you the word “I”, there is more than a subtle sense of your presence here. When you say radicals can be “stubborn and ignore logic” your viewpoint becomes quite clear. Indeed, even the choice to include moniker “neo-Nazis” says much about your feelings on the matter.
Conservative Feminists and Radical Feminists have a tendency to collide on the ideas of men and women's physical make up versus the genetic differences between the sexes. Women have breasts and vaginas while males have penises, because men and women are physically built differently it has created stereotypes on women’s apparel and personal hygiene compared to men’s apparel and personal hygiene.This is an intriguing sentence. What follows in the rest of this paragraph does a lot to explain this thought – but at this moment I find myself wanting clarity on what exactly you mean by “personal hygiene”. Recognizing that women are biologically different from men, conservative feminist do not seek to look or fit into the male stereotype, they still want to grip the world’s feminine concepts when it comes to what they wear and how they take care of their bodies. Neo Nazi feminist however have built up such an outstanding amount of disdain for the lack of equal rights that they go out of their way to be less feminine and act masculine. They will go without shaving their legs and armpits, and they will dress manly in suits, or even something as simple as boots and baggy jeans. All of this is extremely important to them because they feel as though male supremacy is tyrannizing women and giving men everything they could want or ask for in life. Therefore Radical feminist choose to act as men themselves to express their thoughts that women shouldn’t need to be a certain way because they are a woman, and they try to enforce a point that they can be like men, so they should be treated equally to men. Although the conservatives do not think women should have a stereotype and agree they should be granted equal rights they acknowledge that women and men are different. They are accepting of nature’s natural separations’ of males and females. Conservative feminist feel as though there is no problem in being a women, and they still want to be feminine. Shaving their legs and armpits, wearing dresses and skirts and girly clothing is okay because the conservatives know that they are different from men. They accept their breasts and their vaginas, and instead of trying to act like a man to have equal rights to men, they embrace their feminism and feel as though men should embrace it as well and respect them. Again, although it is subtle, I feel a definite sense of which side of the argument you favor.
The main idea of being a feminist is to advocate that women should have the exact same rights as men do because men and women are equals, which is why however differing on thoughts and ideas different groups of feminist can be, they are still able to work together to obtain equal rights. Every feminist group has a different view of how they should make a point and take a stance to the public eye, rather it’s burning their bras, refusal to shave, wearing a men’s suit or simply just making every possible attempt to get the word out to the public and help make a change. Conservative and radical feminist are advocating for the same thing, equality for men and women, but their views and ways of going about it are a matter of masculinity versus being feminine. So, in essence, the two groups form a “yin and yang” and are “two side of the same coin” rather than irreconcilably different. This leaves me with something much different to ponder than if your paper made no attempt at finding a common ground between the conservatives and radicals.
Ashley,
You’ve done a good job here of thoroughly describing these two groups, with detailed examples that lead the reader to an understanding of each group’s thought process. And, you give the reader of sense of where you stand on the subject without showing an overwhelming interest in biasing the reader towards one viewpoint or the other. Nice work.
The purpose of my writing was to compare to types of feminists, conservatives vs. radicals. This is certainly WHAT you did in your paper, but WHY did you choose this topic? Why were these two groups meaningful or significant for you?
My intended audience was to anyone who does not understand what a feminist is and to explain what a feminist is a long with two specific types. I reached my audience by clarifying the differences of radical feminists and conservative feminists, and putting it down into the two groups thought processes. Aside from ”clarifiying differences” what else you could have done to reach your audience?
The exigence of my paper was to clarify the difference in thoughts and ideas between two types of feminists and how it can make them clash heads during their ongoing battle for women’s rights. If this “clash” was the important issue, do you think your conclusion (which pointed to some commonalities among the groups) best served this paper?
I use logical since, along with scientific descriptions and give insight on the types of feminists emotions towards their ideas of being a feminists in order for readers to get the full understanding of what a conservative feminist is, what a radical feminist is, and how the differ while advocating for the same things.
I created tone by describing the types of feminists without just the facts and logic, but instead putting my own viewpoints on the types of feminists in the descriptions with my vocabulary choices. Your “own viewpoint” was apparent to me in this paper, though it was subtle. How do you think a greater or lesser inclusion of your viewpoint might have impacted your paper’s tone?
Rough Draft Argument (posted RHS April 6 -- 171 April 8)
I know this is not a good copy. i have een having a hard time finding info and am planning on finding more this weekend to help my claims but this is how i would like the lay out of my essay to be. I also think those are good points to discuss as examples and support my claim. My claim is my thesis.
Ashley Jones
Mr. Johnson and Mrs. Lang
AP Lang
6 April 2012 What Happened?
There was a time when being a woman was an unlucky fait (fate?) to be born into, but life is not that way in America anymore. The first wave, which started in the 1850’s, succeeded in acquiring a better educational system for women, women’s marriage rights, and their divorce and child custody rights. The second wave of feminist though the 1960’s consisted of a lot of protesting against sexist features such as The Miss America pageant, and women obtaining equal rights in the job field such as an equal wage. We are living in the third wave of feminist in America as we breathe. (If we are living, can’t it be assumed that we are also breathing?) The third wave is happening now because of the empowerment that foundations are giving to girls. (Can you tell me more here? What sorts of empowerments? What are the foundations? Or, if the foundations are the first two waves of feminism, what else could you say to link them to the third wave.) Although the third wave is helping in a grand way, (Grand? What exactly do you mean by “grand”?) it seems as though society is degrading women in the media (“it seems as though”… to who? You? Anyone else?) , and transforming their self-confidence into a joke. The media is giving today’s females an undignified view of themselves, (how?) which enhances the teen pregnancy rate in the U.S. compared to other countries, (Again, how?) causes a greater rate in mental issues especially with eating disorders, and lowered self-esteem especially in younger teenage girls.
Discuss how America has a high pregnancy rate especially compated to Europe.
Discuss places such as England and their views of women and sex and how it differs from America.
16 and pregnant and Teen Mom.
Anorexia, bulimia, and other mental health disorders in girls.
How the media causes girls to feel like they need to obtain a certain self-image.
Sexting in middle and high school.
Earlier ages of girls having sex.
Girls feeling as if they need make up, tanning, and tight clothing
Ashley, You are making some pretty big accusation of what media is doing to young women these days. There’s nothing wrong with taking a bold stance, as it can make for compelling reading, but you are going to need to flesh out your thought process more. A couple of questions: Do all of the items on your outline have a “media” component to them? And, do you really need to touch on all of these issues? (Could a thorough investigation of just 2-3 of these issues do the job of making your case clear to the reader?) Bob
Revision Argument (posted RHS April 13 -- 171 April 15)
There was a time when being a woman was an unlucky fate to be born into, but life isn’t that way in modern countries anymore. There have been three waves of feminists in the past 200 years, mainly taking place in Europe and America. The first wave, which started in the 1850’s, succeeded in acquiring a better educational system for women, women’s marriage rights, and their divorce and child custody rights. The second wave of feminist through the 1960’s consisted of a lot of protesting against sexist features such as the Miss America Pageant, and women obtaining equal rights in the job field such as an equal wage. We are currently living in the third wave of feminist. The third wave is happening now because of the empowerment foundations are giving to girls. Foundations like Dove are working towards teenage girls having a better visual image of themselves and having higher self-esteem. Although the third wave is helping to improve girls self-image, it seems as though society is degrading women into thinking they have to look or act a certain way and transforming their self-confidence into a joke. Society is giving todays females an undignified view of themselves, which enhances girls to feel obligated to mold to the Medias view of them, causes a greater rate in eating disorders, and lower self-esteem in younger teenage girls.So, is this your thesis statement?
There is no law stating that because a girl is a girl they have to do or dress a certain way. However, studies show that 70% of girls across the nation believe they are not good enough, rather (whether?) its looks, academics or relationships (Clean Cut Media). This also has a “thesis-like” feel to it… The reason for girls feeling this way can’t be that they are simply born into thinking they are worthless. Something has to be happening to make girls feel like they aren’t good enough. Why? Yes, there are bad parents out there, and there are parents who say degrading things to their daughters, but it is inconceivable that out of 70% of girls, all their parents are bad. Where are they getting the idea that they need to be a certain way because they are a girl? The answer is easily the media, and how society pursues a girl’s image. “Easily the media”? It is really that obvious? What about parental influence? What peer pressure? It is easy to see if an individual just realizes what they are watching or looking at. In the line at the grocery store it’s easy for anyone to just pick up a magazine and start reading. In magazines like Teen Vogue or Seventeen there is strict advice on “you should wear this,” or “this is hot, this is not.” Even at a young age girls are being given a view of how they should be in cartoon commercials. Boys are shown building and participating in physical activities 55% of the time on commercials, on the other hand girls are shown in the house talking, gossiping, and observing others 77% of the time in commercials (Awareness Network). It is inevitable that the media has an effect on the way girls perceive themselves. When society through the media is identifying girls to be a certain way, a young girl can’t help but to take it personally and want to mold to the media’s portrayed image. So, “society” controls the media? What about corporations/special interest groups/advertiser? Therefor you have girls that are scared to leave their bedrooms without any make up. Girls that want the best clothing because they are told that is what’s cool. Finally it gets to the point where girls have lost sight of what it means to be their own person.
Out of the 70% of girls who feel as though they are not good enough . What might be a more precise way to express “not good enough”? 25% of them have an eating disorder (Clean Cut Media). That breaks down into at least 17% of girls across the nation having a sort of eating disorder. Girls feel that they always have to try to be something better than what they are, that where they are at is never good enough. They are unable to accept the idea of loving themselves. When they turn on the television and watch shows like Jersey Shore on MTV, Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney, or even Victorious on Nickelodeon all the girls are skinny and contain what the media portrays a ‘perfect’ body to be. At a young age girls are sent the idea that they need to be skinny. Out of nine and ten year-old girls, 40% of them have tried to lose weight (National institute on Media and the Family). It is not just teenage girls feeling insecure about their bodies anymore; it is little girls who are only in elementary school. One could try to say that maybe society isn’t directing their idea towards girls specifically just people in general, but 90% of eating disorders are cases of girls from the ages of 12 to 21 (The Center for Mental Health Services). The idea of how a girl should look is posted all over the media. Turn the channel, there are skinny girls. Flip the page of a magazine, there are skinny, pretty girls using their looks to sell products. Although the media is now doing shows like I Used To Be Fat, where the concentration is to be a healthier person and not just skinny, they still say after they have lost the weight that “oh, I can go on a date now,” or “boys will actually look at me,” which completely defeats the purpose. Is the “weight” issue truly gender-specific?
When people have low self-esteem, it can tend to affect their choices in life and has a tendency to enhance people to make worse decisions. 62% of girls are insecure about themselves (Clean Cut Media). Insecurities lead to low self-esteem which is where the bad decisions start. Out of girls with low self-esteem, 75% of them report to having an eating disorder, cutting themselves, and smoking or drinking when they are feeling in the slumps (Clean Cut Media). 25% of girls with low self-esteem admit to cutting themselves (Clean Cut Media). The rates are sky rocketing. According to whom? An average parent surely cannot want their daughter to be one of these statistics. In all honesty, any average person surely cannot want the girls of their country, their aunts, cousins or nieces feeling that desperately insecure. Some could say that yes, it is normal for people to turn to drugs and alcohol during hard times, but there is no need that girls should be cutting themselves, giving themselves literal injuries. There is absolutely no reason girls should be starving themselves, or going on binges and forcing themselves to throw up everything they eat. Why is it happening? The only conclusion there is, is society itself. Is it really that black and white? Today’s society is completely destroying girl’s confidence. They use the media to sell their products, but all it really ends up doing is filling the hearts and desires of young girls with an anxious hunger to be perfect. “all it’s doing”? is this media’s primary purpose?, an unintended consequence? Or something else? They are unable to see that there is no such thing as perfect, and they are going to all extreme measures in order to reach an impossible and disgraceful “disgraceful” is a rather loaded word….goal of perfection.
We are supposed to be the third wave of feminist. At least that’s what ‘they’ say, but how can we really call ourselves the third wave of feminist when the girls of our nation are dry of confidence and pride in being a woman? Society is using today’s advanced technologies through the media to fog girls’ visions of what is attainable and important in life. Being skinny, having a flawless face and a perfect all around body is not the true significance to life, but in these girls’ minds, it is their significance to life. No girl should feel like they are not good enough, but almost three quarters of girls do. To truly be the third wave of feminist, we have to make a difference in the minds of girls everywhere. To ensure them they are important and beautiful regardless of what anyone says. Ashley – This work has greatly improved from the first draft. A couple of things to consider:
“Society” is a word with many different meanings. Consider carefully what “society” means in the context of this paper. Are there are other, perhaps more precise, terms that could be used instead, or in addition?
Your critique of what is happening, via the media, is largely based on the constraints place on a young woman’s appearance. Are there other constraints at work here too?
Final Argument (posted RHS April 20 -- 171 April 23)
Ashley Jones Mr. Johnson and Mrs. Lang AP Lang 20 April 2012 There was a time when being a woman was an unlucky fate to be born into, but life isn’t that way in modern countries anymore. There have been three waves of feminists in the past 200 years, mainly taking place in Europe and America. The first wave, which started in the 1850’s, succeeded in acquiring a better educational system for women, women’s marriage rights, and their divorce and child custody rights. The second wave of feminist through the 1960’s consisted of a lot of protesting against sexist features such as the Miss America Pageant, and women obtaining equal rights in the job field such as an equal wage. We are currently living in the third wave of feminist. The third wave is happening now because of the empowerment foundations are giving to girls. Foundations like Dove are working towards teenage girls having a better visual image of themselves and having higher self-esteem. Although the third wave is helping to improve girl’s self-image, it seems as though society is degrading women into thinking they have to look or act a certain way, and transforming their self-confidence into a joke. Modern day life is giving todays females an undignified view of themselves, which enhances girls to feel obligated to mold to the Medias view of them, causes a greater rate in eating disorders, and lower self-esteem in younger teenage girls. From this introductory paragraph I am getting a sense that while the first two waves of feminism marked progress, this third wave is mired with contradictory elements. Also, I have a strong sense that you are unhappy with what is going on in “modern day life”.
There is no law stating that because a girl is a girl they have to do or dress a certain way. However, studies show that 70% of girls across the nation believe they are not good enough, whether its looks, academics or relationships (Clean Cut Media). The reason for girls feeling this way can’t be that they are simply born into thinking they are worthless. Hmmm, this statistic is intriguing. I feel like I am wanting more information here. What were the studies? What does “not good enough” mean exactly? Something has to be happening to make girls feel like they aren’t good enough because children are not born feeling as if they are worthless; they are born with a complete innocence. Yes, there are bad parents out there, and there are parents who say degrading things to their daughters, but it is inconceivable that out of 70% of girls, all their parents are bad. I would agree. Where are they getting the idea that they need to be a certain way because they are a girl? Well look around, flip the channel, turn the magazine page, and look at the build boards while driving down the street. Look at how a girl’s image is pursued. It is easy to see if an individual just realizes what they are watching or looking at. In the line at the grocery store it’s easy for anyone to just pick up a magazine and start reading. In magazines like Teen Vogue or Seventeen there is strict advice on “you should wear this,” or “this is hot, this is not.” Even at a young age girls are being given a view of how they should be in cartoon commercials. Boys are shown building and participating in physical activities 55% of the time on commercials, on the other hand girls are shown in the house talking, gossiping, and observing others 77% of the time in commercials (Awareness Network). It is inevitable that the media has an effect on the way girls perceive themselves. When the world surrounds itself with media that identifies girls to be a certain way, a young girl can’t help but to take it personally and want to mold to the media’s portrayed image. Therefor you have girls that are scared to leave their bedrooms without any make up. Girls that want the best clothing because they are told that is what’s cool. Finally it gets to the point where girls have lost sight of what it means to be their own person. What does it mean to be your “own person”?
Out of the 70% of girls who feel as though they are not self-sufficient, 25% of them have an eating disorder (Clean Cut Media). That breaks down into at least 17% of girls across the nation having a sort of eating disorder. “At least” is a key phrase. I wonder what the actual percentage is. Perhaps it is much higher…Girls feel that they always have to try to be something better than what they are, that where they are at is never good enough. They are unable to accept the idea of loving themselves. When they turn on the television and watch shows like Jersey Shore on MTV, Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney, or even Victorious on Nickelodeon all the girls are skinny and contain what the media portrays a ‘perfect’ body to be. Good, specific examples. At a young age girls are sent the idea that they need to be skinny. Out of nine and ten year-old girls, 40% of them have tried to lose weight (National institute on Media and the Family). It is not just teenage girls feeling insecure about their bodies anymore; it is little girls who are only in elementary school. But, could this be because child obesity is at an all-time high? One could try to say that maybe the media isn’t directing their idea towards girls specifically just people in general, but 90% of eating disorders are cases of girls from the ages of 12 to 21 (The Center for Mental Health Services). The idea of how a girl should look is posted all over the media. Turn the channel, there are skinny girls. Flip the page of a magazine, there are skinny, pretty girls using their looks to sell products. Although the media is now doing shows like I Used To Be Fat, where the concentration is to be a healthier person and not just skinny, they still say after they have lost the weight that “oh, I can go on a date now,” or “boys will actually look at me,” which completely defeats the purpose. What is “the purpose”? Can there only be one purpose? When people have low self-esteem, it can tend to affect their choices in life and has a tendency to enhance people to make worse decisions. 62% of girls are insecure about themselves (Clean Cut Media). Insecurities lead to low self-esteem which is where the bad decisions start. Is this always the case? Out of girls with low self-esteem, 75% of them report to having an eating disorder, cutting themselves, and smoking or drinking when they are feeling in the slumps (Clean Cut Media). 25% of girls with low self-esteem admit to cutting themselves (Clean Cut Media). That comes down to one in four tgirls of the 62% that have insecurity issues, which all in all are high statistics. Startling and disturbing stats….An average parent surely cannot want their daughter to be one of these statistics. In all honesty, any average person surely cannot want the girls of their country, their aunts, cousins or nieces feeling that desperately insecure. Some could say that yes, it is normal for people to turn to drugs and alcohol during hard times, but there is no need that girls should be cutting themselves, giving themselves literal injuries. There is absolutely no reason girls should be starving themselves, or going on binges and forcing themselves to throw up everything they eat. Why is it happening? A main reason is the world’s view of girls is completely destroying girl’s confidence. They use the media to sell their products, but instead it’s filling the hearts and desires of young girls with an anxious hunger to be perfect. They are unable to see that there is no such thing as perfect, and they are going to all extreme measures in order to reach an impossible and disgraceful goal of perfection.
We are supposed to be the third wave of feminist. At least that’s what ‘they’ say, but how can we really call ourselves the third wave of feminist when the girls of our nation are dry of confidence and pride in being a woman? Society is using today’s advanced technologies through the media to fog girls’ visions of what is attainable and important in life. Being skinny, having a flawless face and a perfect all around body is not the true significance to life, but in these girls’ minds, it is their significance to life. No girl should feel like they are not good enough, but almost three quarters of girls do. To truly be the third wave of feminist, we have to make a difference in the minds of girls everywhere. To ensure what do you mean by ensure? them they are important and beautiful regardless of what anyone says.
Hi Ashley – Your paper continues to improve and your argument that the media is negatively impacting young girls is developing nicely as well. I do see a few places where your argument is not always crystal clear to me, though. See my notes above for suggestions on ways to work on this. Overall though, it’s an informative and insightful piece. Bob
Dear Bob,
My name is Ashley Jones, and as you know I am a junior at Roosevelt High School here in Des Moines and am enrolled in Mr.Johnson and Miss Lang's AP lang class. I try to stay very active with Roosevelt cheerleading and also am on a dance competition team for Express Yourself Dance Studio on the south side. I participate in basketball and football cheerleading along with the RHS competitive cheer squad. I guess you may be able to tell that I am very competitive. I also have a job at the Merle Hay Younkers part time. My dad manages Subsect Skateboarding shop so it is something I have grown up around since I was born. This has made skateboarding a big part of my life, although physically I cannot do it. My mom works at the Young Women's Resource Center downtown where I have gotten involved with a group of girls called R3 where we discuss teen pregnancy and STD prevention.
In my writing experience I have had a very hard time staying organizing, and sometimes I have a tendency to miss the prompt, However I have been aware of this and am trying to fix it, but I hope that you will be able to help me and tell me when I start to jump around or get off topic. Some things I would like to work on as well would be my lose and periodic sentences to ensure that my essays are strong and hit their proper points. Although I have been expanding my vocabulary I am also still working on that and would like help in order to make sentences flow easier and have stronger diction.
I genuinely hope that we will both be able to get good active feed back from this experience. I look forward to having your help and guidance.
-Ashley Jones
Dear Ashley,
It’s very nice to meet you! I enjoyed reading your introductory letter and learning a little bit about you.
To tell you a few things about myself: I am a Roosevelt High School alumni, (I graduated a LONG time ago,) and I have an undergrad degree from the University of Iowa. I am now nearing completion of my Master’s degree in teaching at Drake. When I graduate, I plan to teach English and English as a Second Language, at either the high school or middle school level. This course on teaching writing is one of my final requisites. I live in here Des Moines, quite near Roosevelt, with my wife and two kids. (My daughter is a preschooler and my son is a third grader at Hanawalt Elementary.) In addition to being a grad student, I help teach a class for struggling readers at East High two days a week.
I am really looking forward to this opportunity to work with YOU! More than anything else, what I hope to gain from this experience is a better understanding of the issues you face as a student writer. All of the things you mentioned about writing are indeed important, and they could be good starting place for our work together. Knowing the things you struggle with will make it easier for me to help you. I’m sure I can help you improve as a writer, and I’m confident you can help me improve as a teacher. So, there will be a lot in this for both of us!
My best,
Bob Tyler
p.s. – I am quite familiar with Subsect Skate, as my son likes to shop there, and it is located right next to Ichi Bike, which is owned by a good friend of mine. Talk soon!
Personal Reflecon Topic of Inqto uiry(posted RHS January 27 -- 171 January 29)
Ashley Jones
AP Lang
Mr. Johnson
27 January 2012
Topic of Inquiry: Feminist
Hi Ashley,
Since one of the very first things you mentioned in your introductory letter is that you sometimes miss the writing prompt and get off topic, I thought perhaps a good place to begin would be by re-visiting the assignment directions. So, here it is:
“What are the events in life that have defined you? Describe a time in your life when your personal philosophy was challenged and your life or thinking required a change of direction. What were the forces that influenced you? What understanding of your world was changed for better or for worse? As you are selecting your topic, there should be a feeling of unfinished thought that you would like to explore further, developing your understanding of self. Write a narrative that ends with a question about your chosen topic of inquiry.”
When I read this, I get a sense of three things (at least). One, this essay is going to need to be something deeply personal that is going to shed some light on YOU as an individual, from an intellectual or philosophical standpoint. And two, there needs to be a discussion of some things or events that happened to you personally, that caused you to question your belief. And thirdly, it needs to end with a question about this topic – something for you and the readers to jointly ponder. This is what I am getting from it anyway! If your feelings are otherwise, we should talk about it!
So, with that in mind, let’s take a look at this…
Topic of Inquiry: Feminist A title is your chance to grab people’s attention and start telling your story. What could do that would make this title more personal and more compelling?
We live in a world where gender makes a difference, but it doesn’t make it okay. What is “it”? What doesn’t make it OK? Women seem to be underestimated in society, and surrounding me every day are women who struggle from this. The definition of a feminist is a person who advocates equal rights for all genders. Definition? According to who? Webster’s? Gloria Steinem? Many women in America’s history have fought for the rights we are given today, and it is degrading to watch girls run around completely ruining what we have had to work so hard for. There’s something rather compelling and intriguing about the first person plural (we) and the use of the present perfect tense (have had). I get the sense that you personally have been fighting for women’s rights and I want to know more. Your last sentence is a powerful introduction – but how could you expand or clarify it? What exactly is degrading? What are these girls running around doing?
I have had harsh personal experiences from being a female. I have been under estimated of my intelligence by peers and teachers because of my gender all through middle school and high school. Can you expand here and give some specific examples? There are people who have found out I am in advanced class’s and have said to me, “no way, you are not smart” Is this quote really worth quoting? Could you just paraphrase? while they haven’t even had the opportunity to explore my intelligence. I have had teachers treat me as though I am dumb, and cannot comprehend what they are teaching me because I am a female, but only until they see my work. This sentence could be read as meaning that teachers cannot comprehend what they are teaching. Was this your intent? My father has treated me differently than he treats my brother’s, simply because I am a girl. “Differently”? Are you really talking about “different”, or do you mean unequal? (There’s a difference…;) My mother, who is a brilliant woman, gave up college grants and scholarships to take care of me when she graduated high school. However she went back once I was older and was degraded by a college professor. He thought that because she was the only girl in his mathematics class that she was dumb, yet he did not know that she would be the one setting all the curves on his test. You say “he thought”. How do you know what he thought? Did he tell you this? Women should not be judged on their appearance and sex, we have millions of thoughts and ideas to offer with our minds. I get where you are headed here… I think….maybe expand this thought?
Every day I walk through the halls of my school and I see girls wearing completely inappropriate clothes revealing body parts that should only be seen at a swimming pool. I hear stories of girls weekly who have given their bodies to men without thought and let themselves be used. I turn on the television when I get home and women are on the T.V. demeaning themselves, and worsening the stereotype us women are given. That we are unwise. We are irresponsible. We can be used for our bodies. Girl’s today watch this, and instead of being ashamed, they follow. They dress up in explicit clothes, act as though they have no intelligence, and mainly give their bodies up to be used in a disgraceful way. I’ve underlined and bolded some powerful words. Keep in mind these are subjective terms (i.e., your opinion, not fact). How could you SHOW (rather than tell) the reader these things? The pressures publicity puts on women is ridiculous. Girl’s feel as though they have to look a certain way which is making rates in eating disorders go up. The rates of plastic surgery are going up. What is your source? It’s not so much that I doubt you… but again, it gets back to that issue of showing rather than telling…Girl’s where a ton of make up, risk getting skin cancer to tan all to fit this image of what a woman should look like that is impossible.
As women living together in a country, we should be fighting the stereotype we are given. We are born women, it is not an option for us. We should not be expected to look or act a certain way to please the male’s view of us. Don’t forget, you need a parting question here. Here are some ideas to help you find that question: What about feminism/feminists do you have ambivalent (mixed) feelings about? Is there any part of feminist thought/politics/philosophy that does NOT ring true to you? Anything you are wondering about? For example, I am against the death penalty, but I do wonder if it really fair that tax payers should have to bear the cost of housing a serial killer for the rest of their life…
Final thoughts: Ashley, you are off to a solid start here. This is a huge issue, and one most everyone has an opinion on – and in that sense your paper is immediately engaging. To fulfill the requirements of the assignment, and think we need to see more of YOU in it. How was your philosophy challenged? Was there an event that really changed your life (with regards to feminism)? Maybe you could incorporate some of your work at the YWRC here? Bob
Rough Draft Definition (posted RHS February 3 -- 171 February 5)
Ashley Jones
AP Lang
Mr. Johnson Ms. Lang
3 February 2012
Why is Feminism Being Ruined?
As a child I grew up with three major women in my life; my mother, my Grandma Laura and my Grandma Bonnie, all fantastic women who have molded me to be the feminist I am. From these women I learned the truth behind feminism, that it is not necessarily about ‘girl power’ but how men and women are equal. Nice introductory sentence – I like the personal feel. As long as you are including names, might you include your mom’s name as well? Since my parents had split, it was always my mom and I and she made sure to take care of my every need, working hard for all my wants and necessities. When I would go to see my dad-who lived with my Grandma Bonnie- his mother took care of me making all my meals, giving me my baths and putting me to sleep at night. When my mother was busy at work I went to her moms, my Grandma Laura who did the same. The difference between these three women is simple; my mom did it all by herself, my Grandma Bonnie did it while taking care of my alcoholic grandpa, and my Grandma Laura had the help of her husband my Pampa. Is the difference between these three women what you really want to emphasize here ? These women influenced me greatly, and at a young age I quickly learned what it means to be a feminist; [colon?] regardless of a women’s situation she can do anything on her own, she can take care of her husband and children alone or she can be lucky enough to accept the help of a man. This is your definition of a feminist, right? So, are you saying that a feminist can do anything on her own, but is lucky if she accepts help from a man?
Dictionary.com says a feminist is someone advocating social, political, legal and economic rights for women equal to those of men. Why did you choose dictionary.com as your source? Although I believe this to be true, to be a feminist means much more to me than this. Being a feminist is a lifestyle, how could you build on this statement? and I am blessed for the women in America’s history who have fought for the rights I am given today such as voting and no discrimination against sex in hiring. For instance, Gloria Steinem who is a co-founder in Ms. Magazine has advocated for women’s rights almost for [forty?] years and is still working at it. She worked on legalizing abortion and is still working on same sex marriage. A woman that worked along her side was Louise Noun who founded organizations such as the Young Women’s Resource Centers and the Chrysalis Foundation. The Chrysalis Foundation helped women greatly and gave help to people in domestic abuse along with giving funding to day cares and financial aid to women in community colleges. The foundation sponsored “Women’s Voices” which was a conference where a bunch of girls got together and discussed women’s rights socially and politically. Nice concrete examples of feminists and the work they have done. Do you want to include your work at the YWRC here as well? For about 40 years women fought for women’s suffrage and the right to vote in the 19th amendment, it did not even pass until 1920. It took women 40 entire years to earn the right to vote. Black men who were slaves had the right to vote before women. This really says a lot about how male dominated our society was/is. That is how hard women had to work in order to be recognized as even somewhat equal in society. Could you expand on this thought?
If it were only 50 years ago girls my age would most likely be leaving school or graduating only to get married and have children shortly after. Then they would have a long life of taking care of children, cleaning the house and catering to their families every personal need and desires. That was a women’s job. Is going back only 50 years far enough for a sweeping generalization like this? (1962=the civil rights era) It wasn’t even until World War I that women went into the work force, and it was only because a majority of the men were off at war. All these suffering and hard working women made it possible for girls just to be treated equally. How? What happened? Might your discussion of the 19th amendment fit better here – given the timeline and the direct correlation with WWI… That is magnificent. Which is what raises this big question about feminism in my generation. Why is my generation of women completely destroying everything that women in America’s history have worked so hard for? Why are girls letting men use them? Why are girls throwing away their pride and self dignity? Could this be reworded as one concise question? Also, are you sure you want to blame the whole of your generation rather than specific offenders of all generations?
Hi Ashley,
You are doing some nice work here! Does your title of “Why is Feminism Being Ruined?” really fit this essay though? The term you are defining is “Feminist”… Do you think you could find a title that better fits the things you wrote about – the issue of feminism being ruined is barely touched on (and just at the end) – at least that is the way I read it.
Here’s how I read it:
- Being a feminist is something you learned (by example) from the prominent women in your life.
- A feminist strives for equality between the sexes, and is capable of doing everything on her own, though help from a man can be a good thing too.
- Feminist action can be seen in the work of Gloria Steinem, and others, and is very much alive today.
- Inequality between the sexes has a long history in the United States and is even more pervasive and lasting than racism.
- Things started to final change for women after WWI.
- Girls of your generation are not displaying a feminist spirit.
Is this all what you meant to say – and are these all necessary components of your definition of a feminist? (Thoughts to ponder for your revision!)Also – please feel free to respond to this post prior to your next submission! I’m thinking this might work best if it is more of an ongoing conversation….
Revision Definition (posted RHS February 10 -- 171 February 12 )
Ashley Jones
AP Lang
Mr. Johnson Ms. Lang
3 February 2012
Bra-Burners and Lesbians
This is quite an attention-getting title! What was your motivation for the big change from the last title?
As a child I grew up with three major women in my life; my mother Jenny, my Grandma Laura and my Grandma Bonnie, all fantastic women who have molded me to be the feminist I am. From these women I learned the truth behind feminism, that it is not necessarily about ‘girl power’ but how men and women are equal. Since my parents had split, it was always my mom and I and she made sure to take care of my every need, working hard for all my wants and necessities. When I would go to see my dad-who lived with my Grandma Bonnie- his mother took care of me making all my meals, giving me my baths and putting me to sleep at night. When my mother was busy at work I went to her moms, my Grandma Laura who did the same. The difference between these three women is simple; my mom did it all by herself, my Grandma Bonnie did it while taking care of my alcoholic grandpa, and my Grandma Laura had the help of her husband my Pampa. These women influenced me greatly, and at a young age I quickly learned what it means to be a feminist; regardless of a women’s situation they have the power to make everything work out, even without the help of significant other, but it is okay to accept help. What does “work out” mean to you? How is it influenced by men’s “help”?
Anna Terri (who is she?) at the Young Women’s Resource Center defined feminism is “equal right(s) for women that are given to men”. In technical and logical terms this would be a perfect definition, however in my opinion a true feminist stands up for those rights. Now keep in mind, “feminism” and a “feminist” are not the same thing. How could you counter this definition of feminism without switching to a different word? I am blessed for the women in America’s history who have fought for the rights I am given today such as voting and no discrimination against sex in hiring. For instance, Gloria Steinem who is a co-founder in Ms. Magazine has advocated for women’s rights almost for years and is still working at it. She worked on legalizing abortion and is still working on same sex marriage. A woman that worked along her side was Louise Noun who founded organizations such as the Young Women’s Resource Centers and the Chrysalis Foundation. The Chrysalis Foundation helped women greatly and gave help to people in domestic abuse along with giving funding to day cares and financial aid to women in community colleges. The foundation sponsored “Women’s Voices” which was a conference where a bunch of girls got together and discussed women’s rights socially and politically. Good concrete examples of feminists in action! What if this was a paragraph break? For about 40 years women fought for women’s suffrage and the right to vote in the 19th amendment, it did not even pass until 1920. It took women 40 entire years to earn the right to vote. Black men who were slaves had the right to vote before women. That is how hard women had to work in order to be recognized as even somewhat equal in society. I am in a group that promotes pregnancy and STI prevention at YWRC. There I am able to talk to teenagers and adults that are true feminists about their thoughts on tons of different issues. They are still fighting for all equal rights in society. Thousands of people in this nation have been fighting for the past 120 years and are still going, just to have the same rights that are given to men. Good. Can you expand on this last sentence? How do you feel about this ongoing “fight”?
If it were only 40 years ago girls my age would most likely be leaving school or graduating only to get married and have children shortly after. Then they would have a long life of taking care of children, cleaning the house and catering to their families every personal need and desires. That was a women’s job. It wasn’t even until World War I that women went into the work force, and it was only because a majority of the men were off at war. All these suffering and hard working women made it possible for girls just to be treated equally, but they don’t understand it. Anna said “your generation is scared of the word [Feminist]. They think lesbian or bra-burner.” My generation does not understand what a feminist actually is. They let the media take over their minds make them think they have to look a certain way, and act in a way that as a girl you should be clueless. When Snooki and J Wow go to clubs and bring back men, which are not proper examples of what a girl should aspire to be. Yet everyone follows what they see, even if they know it wrong because they feel like they have too. For Which is what raises this big question about feminism in my generation. Why is my generation of women throwing away their knowledge and self-respect in order to fit some image and a guy’s fantasy, especially the magnificent amount of work our fellow sisters have done for us to be treated equally?
Hi Ashley – Your essay is coming along nicely and you have some well-developed thoughts here. Your final question (which is an idea you have been bringing up in all of your papers) is a bit of a can of worms. There is a school of thought (among certain feminists) that sexy, revealing clothing and even “slutty” behavior is actually empowering for women as it stands in defiance to the double standard afforded to men. Here is a quote from a UCLA’s feminist magazine blog http://www.femmagazine.com/2011/10/28/halloween-costumes/:
“If we want to use the word slut, we have to realize that in the context that we ourselves use it, it has more to do with actions, and nothing to do with clothing. And even then, we use the word “slut” to control a woman’s sexuality. It reflects the double standard that men can sleep with how ever many people they want and not be tainted or lose worth but rather gain praise. And yet when a female is very sexual, she loses value, to the point where we shame her, calling her a “slut.”
How would you response to this?
Bob
Final Definition (posted RHS February 17 -- 171 February 19 )
Reflection #1 (posted RHS February 20 -- 171 February 22)
Rough Draft Comparison (posted RHS February 24 -- 171 February 26 )
Revision Comparison (posted RHS March 2 -- 171 March 4
There have been three main waves of feminism since the 1920’s, and because of them there have been varied types of feminist portrayed such as socialist and liberal feminist. All share the same longing for women and men to obtain equivalent rights. However, two of the most blatantly differing forms of feminist are radical feminist-who are also referred to as neo Nazi feminist- and conservative feminist. I have a clear notion here of what this paper is going to be about - radical and conservative feminists. Good.
Neo Nazi feminist have a high belief in female dominance over male dominance. The term Nazi is fit into the label of this type of feminist because of the similarities of Nazi’s from World War II. Conservative feminist came about within the past 30 years, and it was seemed odd to the public because people did not think to put a feminist and a conservative in the same category. Conservative Feminist want equal rights for all, but they do not appreciate the idea of denying a female's right to bear children, participate in intimacy and have a family. Who's idea is "denying a female's right to bear children"?Both groups of feminist have the same major view point for equality, but acquire different views and opinions on how feminist should be.
A main worry that conservative feminists have is that while they are advocating for rights that are of equal standards to men they will lose respect for having children specifically because bearing a child is something only a women has the ability to do. They don’t want to be frowned upon by others for having the desire, or even acting on their desires of having children and a family. The neo Nazi feminist can be against this What does "this" refer to? mainly because of their ideas of female supremacy. Neo Nazi feminist tend to have a mindset where they feel like men are completely unnecessary. A concentrated heated mood settles across their thoughts saying “I do not need a man, for anything, ever”. This is very differing to a lot of aspects of conservative feminists and society, for there is no other way to produce children and continue the population without a man and woman. So, how do radical feminists address this problem? Conservative feminist on the other hand feel as though in having their equal rights to men, they are allowed the rights to have a family with a man and bear children. This is where feminist can majorly clash heads, because all in all while giving female equal rights, there isn’t a person that can snatch away a women’s right to marry or birth a child. So the "clash" is on whether or not having children/raising a family is a "feminist" concept?
Conservative Feminists and Radical Feminists have a tendency to collide on the ideas of men and women's physical make up versus the genetic differences betweeb the sexes. Recognizing that women are biologically different from men, conservative feminist do not seek to look or act as a man. Neo Nazi feminist however have built up such an outstanding amount of hatred A strong word. Why did you choose it? for the lack of equal rights that they go out of their way to be less feminine and act masculine. They will go without shaving their legs and armpits, and they will dress manly in suits, or even something as simple as boots and baggy jeans. All of this is extremely important to them because they feel as though male supremacy is tyrannizing women and giving men everything they could want or ask for in life. Therefore Radical feminist choose to act as men themselves to express their thoughts that women shouldn’t need to be a certain way because they are a woman. Although the conservatives do not think women should have a stereotype and agree they should be granted equal rights they acknowledge that women and men are different. They are accepting of nature’s natural separations’ of males and females. Conservative feminist feel as though there is no problem in being a women, and they still want to be feminine. Shaving their legs and armpits, wearing dresses and skirts and girly clothing is okay because the conservatives know that they are different from men. They accept their breasts and their vaginas, and instead of trying to act like a man to have equal rights to men, they embrace their feminism and feel as though men should embrace it as well and respect them. From this paragraph, I am getting two main ideas: feminists thought on gender identity and feminists thought on the female body. Are these ideas necessarily inter-related, or could your information be organized other ways?
The main idea of being a feminist is to advocate that women should have the exact same rights as men do because men and women are equals, which is why how ever differing on thoughts and ideas different groups of feminist can be, they are still able to work together for a main cause. Equal rights? Every feminist group has a different view of how they should make a point and take a stance to the public eye, rather it’s burning their bras, refusal to shave, wearing a men’s suit or simply just making every possible attempt to get the word out to the public and help make a change. What specifically could you say about conservative and radical feminists in your conclusion here? Is the one big "take away" point you'd like readers to remember?
Hi Ashley,
What could you add here that would tell readers not only what these two groups of feminists think and do (i.e., "dress in manly suits" or "accept their breasts", etc). but why? You touch on the why with "they feel as though male supremacy is tyrannizing women," but what more might add to add here to really SHOW us what's going on here?
Nice work - I appreciate your comparison because, like your earlier work, it leaves the reader with much to ponder.
Bob
Final Comparison (posted RHS March 9 -- 171 March 11)
Ashley Jones
AP Lang
Mr. Johnson & Miss Lang
9 March 2012
Radical VS. Conservatives
There have been three main waves of feminism since the 1920’s, and because of them there have been varied types of feminist portrayed such as socialist and liberal feminist. All share the same longing for women and men to obtain equivalent rights. However, two of the most blatantly differing forms of feminist are radical feminist-who are also referred to as neo Nazi feminist- and conservative feminist. Neo Nazi feminist have a high belief in female dominance over male dominance. The term Nazi is fit into the label of this type of feminist because of the similarities of Nazi’s from World War II. Conservative feminist came about within the past 30 years, and it was seemed odd to the public because people did not think to put a feminist and a conservative in the same category. Conservative Feminist want equal rights for all, but do not appreciate the radical feminist’s idea of denying a female's right to bear children, participate in intimacy and have a family in order to maintain physical equality to men. Both groups of feminist have the same major view point for equality, but acquire different views and opinions on how feminist should be. Good – I feel like I am getting a nice overview of the history of American feminism and clear understanding that the focus of this essay will on two distinct subgroups of feminists: the radicals and the conservatives.
A main worry that conservative feminists have is that while they are advocating for rights that are of equal standards to men they will lose respect for having children specifically because bearing a child is something only a women has the ability to do. Conservatives do not want to be deprived of their rights to have children because it can be said that it is unfair to men since they are unable to birth a child. They don’t want to be frowned upon by others for having the desire, or even acting on their desires of having children and a family. The neo Nazi feminist can be against a women’s yearning for intimacy and a family mainly because of their ideas of female supremacy. Neo Nazi feminist tend to have a mindset where they feel like men are completely unnecessary. A concentrated heated mood settles across their thoughts saying “I do not need a man, for anything, ever”. This is very differing to a lot of aspects of conservative feminists and society, for there is no other way to produce children and continue the population without a man and woman. Radical feminists have a tendency to be stubborn and ignore the logical fact that they as a women are the key to continuing the population. Conservative feminist on the other hand feel as though in having their equal rights to men, they are allowed the rights to have a family with a man and bear children. This is where feminist can majorly clash heads, because all in all while giving female equal rights, there isn’t a person that can snatch away a women’s right to marry or birth a child. The radicals are so concentrated on being better than men and proving that they can be like men that they do not think about things women want when it comes to relationships and having a family like the conservative feminists do. This paragraph digs deeper into the heart of the disagreement between the two groups: child bearing and family rearing. Although you do not you the word “I”, there is more than a subtle sense of your presence here. When you say radicals can be “stubborn and ignore logic” your viewpoint becomes quite clear. Indeed, even the choice to include moniker “neo-Nazis” says much about your feelings on the matter.
Conservative Feminists and Radical Feminists have a tendency to collide on the ideas of men and women's physical make up versus the genetic differences between the sexes. Women have breasts and vaginas while males have penises, because men and women are physically built differently it has created stereotypes on women’s apparel and personal hygiene compared to men’s apparel and personal hygiene. This is an intriguing sentence. What follows in the rest of this paragraph does a lot to explain this thought – but at this moment I find myself wanting clarity on what exactly you mean by “personal hygiene”. Recognizing that women are biologically different from men, conservative feminist do not seek to look or fit into the male stereotype, they still want to grip the world’s feminine concepts when it comes to what they wear and how they take care of their bodies. Neo Nazi feminist however have built up such an outstanding amount of disdain for the lack of equal rights that they go out of their way to be less feminine and act masculine. They will go without shaving their legs and armpits, and they will dress manly in suits, or even something as simple as boots and baggy jeans. All of this is extremely important to them because they feel as though male supremacy is tyrannizing women and giving men everything they could want or ask for in life. Therefore Radical feminist choose to act as men themselves to express their thoughts that women shouldn’t need to be a certain way because they are a woman, and they try to enforce a point that they can be like men, so they should be treated equally to men. Although the conservatives do not think women should have a stereotype and agree they should be granted equal rights they acknowledge that women and men are different. They are accepting of nature’s natural separations’ of males and females. Conservative feminist feel as though there is no problem in being a women, and they still want to be feminine. Shaving their legs and armpits, wearing dresses and skirts and girly clothing is okay because the conservatives know that they are different from men. They accept their breasts and their vaginas, and instead of trying to act like a man to have equal rights to men, they embrace their feminism and feel as though men should embrace it as well and respect them. Again, although it is subtle, I feel a definite sense of which side of the argument you favor.
The main idea of being a feminist is to advocate that women should have the exact same rights as men do because men and women are equals, which is why however differing on thoughts and ideas different groups of feminist can be, they are still able to work together to obtain equal rights. Every feminist group has a different view of how they should make a point and take a stance to the public eye, rather it’s burning their bras, refusal to shave, wearing a men’s suit or simply just making every possible attempt to get the word out to the public and help make a change. Conservative and radical feminist are advocating for the same thing, equality for men and women, but their views and ways of going about it are a matter of masculinity versus being feminine. So, in essence, the two groups form a “yin and yang” and are “two side of the same coin” rather than irreconcilably different. This leaves me with something much different to ponder than if your paper made no attempt at finding a common ground between the conservatives and radicals.
Ashley,
You’ve done a good job here of thoroughly describing these two groups, with detailed examples that lead the reader to an understanding of each group’s thought process. And, you give the reader of sense of where you stand on the subject without showing an overwhelming interest in biasing the reader towards one viewpoint or the other. Nice work.
Bob
Reflection #2 (RHS March 16 -- 171 March 25)
- The purpose of my writing was to compare to types of feminists, conservatives vs. radicals. This is certainly WHAT you did in your paper, but WHY did you choose this topic? Why were these two groups meaningful or significant for you?
- My intended audience was to anyone who does not understand what a feminist is and to explain what a feminist is a long with two specific types. I reached my audience by clarifying the differences of radical feminists and conservative feminists, and putting it down into the two groups thought processes. Aside from ”clarifiying differences” what else you could have done to reach your audience?
- The exigence of my paper was to clarify the difference in thoughts and ideas between two types of feminists and how it can make them clash heads during their ongoing battle for women’s rights. If this “clash” was the important issue, do you think your conclusion (which pointed to some commonalities among the groups) best served this paper?
- I use logical since, along with scientific descriptions and give insight on the types of feminists emotions towards their ideas of being a feminists in order for readers to get the full understanding of what a conservative feminist is, what a radical feminist is, and how the differ while advocating for the same things.
- I created tone by describing the types of feminists without just the facts and logic, but instead putting my own viewpoints on the types of feminists in the descriptions with my vocabulary choices. Your “own viewpoint” was apparent to me in this paper, though it was subtle. How do you think a greater or lesser inclusion of your viewpoint might have impacted your paper’s tone?
Rough Draft Argument (posted RHS April 6 -- 171 April 8)I know this is not a good copy. i have een having a hard time finding info and am planning on finding more this weekend to help my claims but this is how i would like the lay out of my essay to be. I also think those are good points to discuss as examples and support my claim. My claim is my thesis.
Ashley Jones
Mr. Johnson and Mrs. Lang
AP Lang
6 April 2012
What Happened?
There was a time when being a woman was an unlucky fait (fate?) to be born into, but life is not that way in America anymore. The first wave, which started in the 1850’s, succeeded in acquiring a better educational system for women, women’s marriage rights, and their divorce and child custody rights. The second wave of feminist though the 1960’s consisted of a lot of protesting against sexist features such as The Miss America pageant, and women obtaining equal rights in the job field such as an equal wage. We are living in the third wave of feminist in America as we breathe. (If we are living, can’t it be assumed that we are also breathing?) The third wave is happening now because of the empowerment that foundations are giving to girls. (Can you tell me more here? What sorts of empowerments? What are the foundations? Or, if the foundations are the first two waves of feminism, what else could you say to link them to the third wave.) Although the third wave is helping in a grand way, (Grand? What exactly do you mean by “grand”?) it seems as though society is degrading women in the media (“it seems as though”… to who? You? Anyone else?) , and transforming their self-confidence into a joke. The media is giving today’s females an undignified view of themselves, (how?) which enhances the teen pregnancy rate in the U.S. compared to other countries, (Again, how?) causes a greater rate in mental issues especially with eating disorders, and lowered self-esteem especially in younger teenage girls.
- Sexting in middle and high school.
- Earlier ages of girls having sex.
- Girls feeling as if they need make up, tanning, and tight clothing
Ashley,You are making some pretty big accusation of what media is doing to young women these days. There’s nothing wrong with taking a bold stance, as it can make for compelling reading, but you are going to need to flesh out your thought process more. A couple of questions: Do all of the items on your outline have a “media” component to them? And, do you really need to touch on all of these issues? (Could a thorough investigation of just 2-3 of these issues do the job of making your case clear to the reader?)
Bob
Revision Argument (posted RHS April 13 -- 171 April 15)
There was a time when being a woman was an unlucky fate to be born into, but life isn’t that way in modern countries anymore. There have been three waves of feminists in the past 200 years, mainly taking place in Europe and America. The first wave, which started in the 1850’s, succeeded in acquiring a better educational system for women, women’s marriage rights, and their divorce and child custody rights. The second wave of feminist through the 1960’s consisted of a lot of protesting against sexist features such as the Miss America Pageant, and women obtaining equal rights in the job field such as an equal wage. We are currently living in the third wave of feminist. The third wave is happening now because of the empowerment foundations are giving to girls. Foundations like Dove are working towards teenage girls having a better visual image of themselves and having higher self-esteem. Although the third wave is helping to improve girls self-image, it seems as though society is degrading women into thinking they have to look or act a certain way and transforming their self-confidence into a joke. Society is giving todays females an undignified view of themselves, which enhances girls to feel obligated to mold to the Medias view of them, causes a greater rate in eating disorders, and lower self-esteem in younger teenage girls. So, is this your thesis statement?
There is no law stating that because a girl is a girl they have to do or dress a certain way. However, studies show that 70% of girls across the nation believe they are not good enough, rather (whether?) its looks, academics or relationships (Clean Cut Media). This also has a “thesis-like” feel to it… The reason for girls feeling this way can’t be that they are simply born into thinking they are worthless. Something has to be happening to make girls feel like they aren’t good enough. Why? Yes, there are bad parents out there, and there are parents who say degrading things to their daughters, but it is inconceivable that out of 70% of girls, all their parents are bad. Where are they getting the idea that they need to be a certain way because they are a girl? The answer is easily the media, and how society pursues a girl’s image. “Easily the media”? It is really that obvious? What about parental influence? What peer pressure? It is easy to see if an individual just realizes what they are watching or looking at. In the line at the grocery store it’s easy for anyone to just pick up a magazine and start reading. In magazines like Teen Vogue or Seventeen there is strict advice on “you should wear this,” or “this is hot, this is not.” Even at a young age girls are being given a view of how they should be in cartoon commercials. Boys are shown building and participating in physical activities 55% of the time on commercials, on the other hand girls are shown in the house talking, gossiping, and observing others 77% of the time in commercials (Awareness Network). It is inevitable that the media has an effect on the way girls perceive themselves. When society through the media is identifying girls to be a certain way, a young girl can’t help but to take it personally and want to mold to the media’s portrayed image. So, “society” controls the media? What about corporations/special interest groups/advertiser? Therefor you have girls that are scared to leave their bedrooms without any make up. Girls that want the best clothing because they are told that is what’s cool. Finally it gets to the point where girls have lost sight of what it means to be their own person.
Out of the 70% of girls who feel as though they are not good enough . What might be a more precise way to express “not good enough”? 25% of them have an eating disorder (Clean Cut Media). That breaks down into at least 17% of girls across the nation having a sort of eating disorder. Girls feel that they always have to try to be something better than what they are, that where they are at is never good enough. They are unable to accept the idea of loving themselves. When they turn on the television and watch shows like Jersey Shore on MTV, Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney, or even Victorious on Nickelodeon all the girls are skinny and contain what the media portrays a ‘perfect’ body to be. At a young age girls are sent the idea that they need to be skinny. Out of nine and ten year-old girls, 40% of them have tried to lose weight (National institute on Media and the Family). It is not just teenage girls feeling insecure about their bodies anymore; it is little girls who are only in elementary school. One could try to say that maybe society isn’t directing their idea towards girls specifically just people in general, but 90% of eating disorders are cases of girls from the ages of 12 to 21 (The Center for Mental Health Services). The idea of how a girl should look is posted all over the media. Turn the channel, there are skinny girls. Flip the page of a magazine, there are skinny, pretty girls using their looks to sell products. Although the media is now doing shows like I Used To Be Fat, where the concentration is to be a healthier person and not just skinny, they still say after they have lost the weight that “oh, I can go on a date now,” or “boys will actually look at me,” which completely defeats the purpose. Is the “weight” issue truly gender-specific?
When people have low self-esteem, it can tend to affect their choices in life and has a tendency to enhance people to make worse decisions. 62% of girls are insecure about themselves (Clean Cut Media). Insecurities lead to low self-esteem which is where the bad decisions start. Out of girls with low self-esteem, 75% of them report to having an eating disorder, cutting themselves, and smoking or drinking when they are feeling in the slumps (Clean Cut Media). 25% of girls with low self-esteem admit to cutting themselves (Clean Cut Media). The rates are sky rocketing. According to whom? An average parent surely cannot want their daughter to be one of these statistics. In all honesty, any average person surely cannot want the girls of their country, their aunts, cousins or nieces feeling that desperately insecure. Some could say that yes, it is normal for people to turn to drugs and alcohol during hard times, but there is no need that girls should be cutting themselves, giving themselves literal injuries. There is absolutely no reason girls should be starving themselves, or going on binges and forcing themselves to throw up everything they eat. Why is it happening? The only conclusion there is, is society itself. Is it really that black and white? Today’s society is completely destroying girl’s confidence. They use the media to sell their products, but all it really ends up doing is filling the hearts and desires of young girls with an anxious hunger to be perfect. “all it’s doing”? is this media’s primary purpose?, an unintended consequence? Or something else? They are unable to see that there is no such thing as perfect, and they are going to all extreme measures in order to reach an impossible and disgraceful “disgraceful” is a rather loaded word….goal of perfection.
We are supposed to be the third wave of feminist. At least that’s what ‘they’ say, but how can we really call ourselves the third wave of feminist when the girls of our nation are dry of confidence and pride in being a woman? Society is using today’s advanced technologies through the media to fog girls’ visions of what is attainable and important in life. Being skinny, having a flawless face and a perfect all around body is not the true significance to life, but in these girls’ minds, it is their significance to life. No girl should feel like they are not good enough, but almost three quarters of girls do. To truly be the third wave of feminist, we have to make a difference in the minds of girls everywhere. To ensure them they are important and beautiful regardless of what anyone says.
Ashley –
This work has greatly improved from the first draft. A couple of things to consider:
Final Argument (posted RHS April 20 -- 171 April 23)
Ashley Jones
Mr. Johnson and Mrs. Lang
AP Lang
20 April 2012
There was a time when being a woman was an unlucky fate to be born into, but life isn’t that way in modern countries anymore. There have been three waves of feminists in the past 200 years, mainly taking place in Europe and America. The first wave, which started in the 1850’s, succeeded in acquiring a better educational system for women, women’s marriage rights, and their divorce and child custody rights. The second wave of feminist through the 1960’s consisted of a lot of protesting against sexist features such as the Miss America Pageant, and women obtaining equal rights in the job field such as an equal wage. We are currently living in the third wave of feminist. The third wave is happening now because of the empowerment foundations are giving to girls. Foundations like Dove are working towards teenage girls having a better visual image of themselves and having higher self-esteem. Although the third wave is helping to improve girl’s self-image, it seems as though society is degrading women into thinking they have to look or act a certain way, and transforming their self-confidence into a joke. Modern day life is giving todays females an undignified view of themselves, which enhances girls to feel obligated to mold to the Medias view of them, causes a greater rate in eating disorders, and lower self-esteem in younger teenage girls. From this introductory paragraph I am getting a sense that while the first two waves of feminism marked progress, this third wave is mired with contradictory elements. Also, I have a strong sense that you are unhappy with what is going on in “modern day life”.
There is no law stating that because a girl is a girl they have to do or dress a certain way. However, studies show that 70% of girls across the nation believe they are not good enough, whether its looks, academics or relationships (Clean Cut Media). The reason for girls feeling this way can’t be that they are simply born into thinking they are worthless. Hmmm, this statistic is intriguing. I feel like I am wanting more information here. What were the studies? What does “not good enough” mean exactly? Something has to be happening to make girls feel like they aren’t good enough because children are not born feeling as if they are worthless; they are born with a complete innocence. Yes, there are bad parents out there, and there are parents who say degrading things to their daughters, but it is inconceivable that out of 70% of girls, all their parents are bad. I would agree. Where are they getting the idea that they need to be a certain way because they are a girl? Well look around, flip the channel, turn the magazine page, and look at the build boards while driving down the street. Look at how a girl’s image is pursued. It is easy to see if an individual just realizes what they are watching or looking at. In the line at the grocery store it’s easy for anyone to just pick up a magazine and start reading. In magazines like Teen Vogue or Seventeen there is strict advice on “you should wear this,” or “this is hot, this is not.” Even at a young age girls are being given a view of how they should be in cartoon commercials. Boys are shown building and participating in physical activities 55% of the time on commercials, on the other hand girls are shown in the house talking, gossiping, and observing others 77% of the time in commercials (Awareness Network). It is inevitable that the media has an effect on the way girls perceive themselves. When the world surrounds itself with media that identifies girls to be a certain way, a young girl can’t help but to take it personally and want to mold to the media’s portrayed image. Therefor you have girls that are scared to leave their bedrooms without any make up. Girls that want the best clothing because they are told that is what’s cool. Finally it gets to the point where girls have lost sight of what it means to be their own person. What does it mean to be your “own person”?
Out of the 70% of girls who feel as though they are not self-sufficient, 25% of them have an eating disorder (Clean Cut Media). That breaks down into at least 17% of girls across the nation having a sort of eating disorder. “At least” is a key phrase. I wonder what the actual percentage is. Perhaps it is much higher…Girls feel that they always have to try to be something better than what they are, that where they are at is never good enough. They are unable to accept the idea of loving themselves. When they turn on the television and watch shows like Jersey Shore on MTV, Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney, or even Victorious on Nickelodeon all the girls are skinny and contain what the media portrays a ‘perfect’ body to be. Good, specific examples. At a young age girls are sent the idea that they need to be skinny. Out of nine and ten year-old girls, 40% of them have tried to lose weight (National institute on Media and the Family). It is not just teenage girls feeling insecure about their bodies anymore; it is little girls who are only in elementary school. But, could this be because child obesity is at an all-time high? One could try to say that maybe the media isn’t directing their idea towards girls specifically just people in general, but 90% of eating disorders are cases of girls from the ages of 12 to 21 (The Center for Mental Health Services). The idea of how a girl should look is posted all over the media. Turn the channel, there are skinny girls. Flip the page of a magazine, there are skinny, pretty girls using their looks to sell products. Although the media is now doing shows like I Used To Be Fat, where the concentration is to be a healthier person and not just skinny, they still say after they have lost the weight that “oh, I can go on a date now,” or “boys will actually look at me,” which completely defeats the purpose. What is “the purpose”? Can there only be one purpose?
When people have low self-esteem, it can tend to affect their choices in life and has a tendency to enhance people to make worse decisions. 62% of girls are insecure about themselves (Clean Cut Media). Insecurities lead to low self-esteem which is where the bad decisions start. Is this always the case? Out of girls with low self-esteem, 75% of them report to having an eating disorder, cutting themselves, and smoking or drinking when they are feeling in the slumps (Clean Cut Media). 25% of girls with low self-esteem admit to cutting themselves (Clean Cut Media). That comes down to one in four tgirls of the 62% that have insecurity issues, which all in all are high statistics. Startling and disturbing stats….An average parent surely cannot want their daughter to be one of these statistics. In all honesty, any average person surely cannot want the girls of their country, their aunts, cousins or nieces feeling that desperately insecure. Some could say that yes, it is normal for people to turn to drugs and alcohol during hard times, but there is no need that girls should be cutting themselves, giving themselves literal injuries. There is absolutely no reason girls should be starving themselves, or going on binges and forcing themselves to throw up everything they eat. Why is it happening? A main reason is the world’s view of girls is completely destroying girl’s confidence. They use the media to sell their products, but instead it’s filling the hearts and desires of young girls with an anxious hunger to be perfect. They are unable to see that there is no such thing as perfect, and they are going to all extreme measures in order to reach an impossible and disgraceful goal of perfection.
We are supposed to be the third wave of feminist. At least that’s what ‘they’ say, but how can we really call ourselves the third wave of feminist when the girls of our nation are dry of confidence and pride in being a woman? Society is using today’s advanced technologies through the media to fog girls’ visions of what is attainable and important in life. Being skinny, having a flawless face and a perfect all around body is not the true significance to life, but in these girls’ minds, it is their significance to life. No girl should feel like they are not good enough, but almost three quarters of girls do. To truly be the third wave of feminist, we have to make a difference in the minds of girls everywhere. To ensure what do you mean by ensure? them they are important and beautiful regardless of what anyone says.
Hi Ashley – Your paper continues to improve and your argument that the media is negatively impacting young girls is developing nicely as well. I do see a few places where your argument is not always crystal clear to me, though. See my notes above for suggestions on ways to work on this. Overall though, it’s an informative and insightful piece.
Bob
Reflection #3 (posted RHS April 23)